5:10am, no sleep

by lifeonaxis1

This does not bode well.  I’ve been reading a lot about the factors that can lead to an “episode”, one of which is an irregular sleep schedule.  Mine has been nothing BUT irregular for a long time.  Starting last week for example here’s what I’ve got:

Monday: 6-8:30am

Tuesday: nothing

Wednesday: 6-11:30am

Thursday: don’t remember

Friday: 7-8:30am

Saturday: 7a-6p, 11p-12a

Sunday: 12a-6:30a, 8a-4p

Monday: nothing

The lack of hours during the week is the result of a few factors: extreme stress, teaching at 9am (with the exception of Wed which I missed), relationship conflicts, stress, stress.  Then I slept most of the weekend because I didn’t feel like doing much of anything.

Now, here I am starting the cycle over again.  Which means I’m more at risk for emotional fluctuations.  I sure had them last week, when I cried hysterically to my ex that I feel guilty and shameful that I have this problem and that it stresses me out that he “has” to deal with it, and that he should just leave me.  Yikes.

I also am so tired (and yet, can’t sleep strangely enough) that I don’t exercise the dogs regularly and I feel terrible about that.  Last Fall when my depression was really bad, I even started looking for a home for my Big Dog A so he would get the proper care.  After I started Prozac I changed my mind but now the Prozac isn’t doing a whole lot (more on that later).

Insomnia and irregular sleeping patterns are not new to me.  I’ve been treated for insomnia before with a few different drugs: ambien, trazadone, some other stuff I can’t remember.  What seemed to work best was completely dismantling my life to make a regular sleep schedule fundamental to my day.  I guess with bipolar, that’s also a necessity.

I have mixed feelings about this.  On the one hand, when I sleep regularly and go to bed early and likewise wake up early, I am much more productive.  On the other hand, it means a decrease in flexibility of my schedule… meaning, I won’t be able to be as spontaneous about my time.  This is very difficult for a free spirited bohemian such as myself, especially since I particularly enjoy the night life.

Life style changes…  It’s what’s for breakfast.