5:10am, 8 hours of sleep

by lifeonaxis1

I passed out sometime around 7pm and woke up at 3am.  I spent the first hour dividing my attention between my three animals, each of which was curled up next to me in some fashion.  Little Dog C was nestled in my arm, Big Dog A stretched over my leg and looked up at me with big puppy eyes, and Meow Cat A came to stake her claim on my other arm.  I love my animals, and it occurred to me that when people had been asking about my support group, I completely neglected to include them.  They are my biggest support group and I am certain my animal family has buffered some of the negative effects of my recent experiences.

Now only if I could train them to bring me breakfast in bed…

I’ve got a lot of mixed emotions today (imagine that).  I’m a bit scared, and definitely anxious, but just slightly optimistic.  It’s definitely an aroused state, and kind of antsy.  I wonder what the next few weeks will hold.

Will lithium be all that my psychiatrist said?  Or will I have the experience of countless others who need revision after revision of their prescriptions?

Will lithium take care of my anxiety, my PTSD?  Will I be diagnosed with another disorder once we rule out the effects of Bipolar?  Will I soon be taking pictures of my pharmaceutical breakfast?  I have already balked at my daily dose case when it had Zoloft or Prozac, Buproprion, Valium, and a Multivitamin.  It looks like that will just be the start.

How soon will I be able to clean my house?  Go to the store to get toilet paper and shampoo, which I’ve been out of for what seems like forever (don’t panic, I at least have had wet wipes and paper towels at my disposal)?  Walk the dogs every day again?  Make real progress on the myriad projects I have going?

Will I get fat?!  I should really look into starting my healthy diet asap.  Time to check the bank account, which is something I’m never fond of, to see if I can even afford the super healthy diet I want.  Why?  Because it entails mostly “perimeter shopping” – all fresh foods that can go bad quickly if not consumed right away, and virtually no processed foods.  Will I get back to making food from scratch and freezing?

What about exercise?  Will I have the energy and motivation to get back into boxing classes?  I am wasting so much money on that membership as it is…

So much to think about…

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