5:10am, 8 hours of sleep
I passed out sometime around 7pm and woke up at 3am. I spent the first hour dividing my attention between my three animals, each of which was curled up next to me in some fashion. Little Dog C was nestled in my arm, Big Dog A stretched over my leg and looked up at me with big puppy eyes, and Meow Cat A came to stake her claim on my other arm. I love my animals, and it occurred to me that when people had been asking about my support group, I completely neglected to include them. They are my biggest support group and I am certain my animal family has buffered some of the negative effects of my recent experiences.
Now only if I could train them to bring me breakfast in bed…
I’ve got a lot of mixed emotions today (imagine that). I’m a bit scared, and definitely anxious, but just slightly optimistic. It’s definitely an aroused state, and kind of antsy. I wonder what the next few weeks will hold.
Will lithium be all that my psychiatrist said? Or will I have the experience of countless others who need revision after revision of their prescriptions?
Will lithium take care of my anxiety, my PTSD? Will I be diagnosed with another disorder once we rule out the effects of Bipolar? Will I soon be taking pictures of my pharmaceutical breakfast? I have already balked at my daily dose case when it had Zoloft or Prozac, Buproprion, Valium, and a Multivitamin. It looks like that will just be the start.
How soon will I be able to clean my house? Go to the store to get toilet paper and shampoo, which I’ve been out of for what seems like forever (don’t panic, I at least have had wet wipes and paper towels at my disposal)? Walk the dogs every day again? Make real progress on the myriad projects I have going?
Will I get fat?! I should really look into starting my healthy diet asap. Time to check the bank account, which is something I’m never fond of, to see if I can even afford the super healthy diet I want. Why? Because it entails mostly “perimeter shopping” – all fresh foods that can go bad quickly if not consumed right away, and virtually no processed foods. Will I get back to making food from scratch and freezing?
What about exercise? Will I have the energy and motivation to get back into boxing classes? I am wasting so much money on that membership as it is…
So much to think about…