i can’t sleep so i thought i’d channel some energy through writing in the hopes that i might get some peace of mind. i’m tired, exhausted really, but when i closed my eyes i started remembering traumatic events that had my pulse up and my body twitching.
i’ve been taking 900 mg of lithium for about two weeks now. i think there is a lot of misinformation out there so i want to keep everyone posted on my own personal experience. personally i read a ton of hype on the net about negative effects associated with lithium. my own sister refused to take it based on the connotation of the word alone and i nearly followed suit.
so here it is, Clint Eastwood-style
Life is, on average, decidedly more…”stable” so to speak. My thoughts run at a reasonable pace and I’m not fidgeting as much. The depression has been alleviated for the most part which feels like a fucking miracle. Sometimes I feel a bit hypomanic which is a welcome relief from the 2 tons of weight depression seemed to heave on my shoulders.
I do feel a little crazy sometimes but it is definitely mild and passes quickly. it’s like a sense of feeling unconnected to things and slightly high. that could be the hypomania though. i drink water like i’m running a marathon in the sahara desert. and i have to pee, constantly. Sometimes I even feel feverish or flushed, which i attribute to not drinking enough water.
My skin is reliving middle school. Lithium can make you break out like a mofo which is fucking obnoxious. Since my crippling depression, I have basically eliminated all makeup from my daily regimen so that probably helps. Oh, and lithium can give you the shits. Thank goodness I mostly work from home.
My psychiatrist tells me that many of the side effects I’m experiencing will subside as my body acclimates to the lithium. We’ll see. I certainly don’t want diarrhea for the rest of my life. That’s what I call a deal breaker.
Lithium is a mood stabilizer; however, it is not a body cast that shields me from any and all fluctuations. This may be due to the fact that I’m not fully stabilized yet, or possibly due to PTSD, but I am still incredibly sensitive to stress. For example, I tried to reactivate my old facebook account (the one with all of my friends and family etc) and I was signed on for less than a minute before I started to panic and deactivated the account again. My objective these days is to simplify as much as possible so life is manageable.