now i know what narcolepsy feels like

by lifeonaxis1

just kidding; i have no idea.  but it has felt like i have something approximating narcolepsy since yesterday.  i only got 5 hours of sleep Sunday night which then led me to REQUIRE another 6 hours of sleep during the day Monday.  despite my lengthy nap, i could not keep my eyes open past 11:30pm, when i crashed out for another 12 hours.  you would think i would be rested again but no.  i have had to take 2 naps today just to get by.  i’d probably still be sleeping right now if it weren’t for my therapist appointment.

speaking of therapy, i’ve been seeing this woman for about a month now.  she specializes in mood disorders, especially bipolar.  she’s been hesitant to diagnose me without getting to know more about me first.  today i asked what her opinion is, and she said she also thinks I have bipolar 2.

i’ve got a lot of mixed feelings about this.

for one, it’s a relief because my decision to start medication has been vindicated to some degree.  i’ve taken a nontrivial amount of grief for that from various people who didn’t believe my first opinion and wanted me to get a second opinion first.

second, i feel sad.  this is a bit surprising to me, since i had already felt at least some level of acceptance of the diagnosis.

third, i feel uncomfortable because i don’t yet know the impact this condition will have on me and my life.

fourth, i simultaneously feel scared people will find out, but i also want to tell a lot of people.  i don’t want to hide from it.

fifth, i feel blank.