usually when i’m talking about regression, i’m referring to a statistical analysis that predicts an outcome variable from one or more predictor variables.
not this time.
now when i think regression, i’m referring to a rather strange and possibly disturbing trend in my behavior. i’ve noticed that, over recent months, my behavior has taken on somewhat of a child-like quality. i can here it in the tone of my voice sometimes. i’ve been drawn to a few of the things i found comforting in childhood. my behavior is decidedly more juvenile.
what does it all mean!?
i am already developmentally delayed as far as maturity goes, at least by some standards. but this is a different mentality entirely.
take, for example, the last couple of weeks. i have gone on a children’s cereal extravaganza. i brought back all of my old favorites, starting with Lucky Charms. Then I had Captain Crunch. Then Frosted Mini Wheats. I just finished off the Corn Pops.
the most disturbing aspect, though, is when i hear my own voice go from normal to 7 years old. i catch myself and shut my mouth until i can regain my senses.
my cognitive ability isn’t far behind. i have trouble reasoning through complex problems. the idea of going to a meeting with my peers is just about the most terrifying idea ever (besides the one i’m going to talk about in my next post…). anything that requires me to articulate something beyond the most basic sophistication gets jumbled somehow. i can’t even think about the future. the past seems swept away as soon as it happens. it reminds me of the strange, disconnected mental space i was in for most of my childhood.
i just hope it doesn’t take me another 20 or so years to get out of it.