fuming

by lifeonaxis1

well today was a waste of a fucking day.  i spent the better part of it hooked up to an IV and oxygen.  i got my first EKG today too.  la-dee-fucking-da.

lemme back up a bit.

Saturday i woke up with a cramp in my right shoulder and neck.  Felt kinda like i had slept funny so I tried slowly stretching it out a bit and taking it easy.  shouldn’t have been a big deal…these things usually resolve themselves in a couple of hours.

only it didn’t.  by Sunday it was worse.  far worse.  my range of mobility was limited even more.  before i could only turn my head to the left, but by Sunday neither direction was working.  XBF came by relatively spontaneously to “pick something up” and after he finished inspecting the place (“why is there a condom wrapper in the bedroom?”…uh, don’t you remember fucking the other day?  let me refresh your memory.  you were blindfolded and had wrist cuffs on.)  he tried to massage the area but it was so painful i started to cry and told him to stop.  i took 400mg of ibuprofen that didn’t do shit.  then i took 1000mg of tylenol which barely took the edge off.

clearly a trip to the health center was in order for monday.  i figured i’d go after my psychiatrist appt.  by monday morning though, the pain was excruciating.  i thought, this is fucking ridiculous.  i’ll just go in now.  i changed out of my pjs into a sundress, a process that was extremely painful.  i shouted and cried as i pulled my shirt off and my dress on.  i briefly considered calling XBF for a ride but thought it would take too long.

i almost fainted on the way but i made it to the health center.  by then i couldn’t sit down.  fortunately it’s summer so students are all gone.  the nurse called my name in just a couple of minutes.  she asked me to sit down and the room started to flash and spin.  a sweat broke out on my face.  i tried to breathe slowly and told her i felt like vomiting and passing out.  she asked me to lean back against the wall but that was out of the fucking question.

i was in maximal pain and discomfort.  i began sweating profusely and my breathing got shallow.  i became dizzy and knew it was only a matter of minutes before i would lose consciousness.  i told the nurse a few more times that i needed to pass out and finally, as my eyes are closing and i’m succumbing to passing out, she gets it.

i went to a different place.

there were people all around me, talking to me, talking to each other.  my discomfort level is breaking records.  sweat.  tears. pain.  no position was comfortable.  somehow they got me on a gurney.  i saw the IV drip get rolled in.  they put a bunch of stickers on me to take an EKG.  i was given oxygen.

i was pricked 3 times before the stupid IV needle got where it needed to go.  she even tried digging around on one of them which is a really strange sensation.  tried to give me some BS about my veins being difficult.  the hell they are.  fucking incompetence.

they couldn’t give me pain meds until i recovered from the fainting spell, and besides they had to figure out what was okay with all the other shit i’m taking.  i clearly wasn’t going to make my psychiatrist appointment so they called upstairs to let them know and to consult with her about what i can take for pain.

problematically, my blood pressure was very low and my heart rate was just ridiculous.  around 40 bpm i think.  i got grilled about my behavior and why my heart rate was so low.  has this ever happened before?  do i have an eating disorder?

i don’t know how long i was there.  they gave me a shot for the pain eventually.  injectable ibuprofen.  didn’t do shit.  due to my low pulse, they refused to give me muscle relaxers.  the doc came by and asked about the valium i was prescribed several months ago.  i said it was all gone, and she gave me a sideways look before saying i was prescribed 60 tablets.  i didn’t realize how it would sound until it was already out of my mouth.

“yeah, but my dog ate it”

fuck.

in any case, they prescribed me with some ibuprofen and told me to stop taking valproic acid until i see my psychiatrist on thursday.  i had to call someone for a ride home, apparently, so i texted XBF.

a bunch.

called a few times.

nothing.

fucking.  useless.

texted Satan Spawn and what do you know, he was able to get back to me within 10 min or so.  he finally came to pick me up and i walked out covered in bandaids and EKG stickers.  he took me to the store and then home where i passed out (slept).

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