the road less traveled
i am blessed.
i am blessed with family and friends who have drawn out my squirmy mass from the black-as-tar pit where i left it. simultaneous, serendipitous experiences converge so that i may wade rather than drown, raising my head just high enough to view my reflection.
and that’s where i really need to be looking anyway.
so, i’ve dedicated this week “me-week”. because rather than suffer and panic about a situation with an outcome i cannot control, i will turn inward. to understand myself, and how i relate to the people and things around me.
and instead of trying to plan out all contingencies for this weekend, i am going to use that energy to get myself to a place where i can be receptive to most possibilities. even the possibility of nothing at all.
friday, i will take myself to yoga, where i can breathe and stretch and meditate. saturday morning, i will go with a friend to an al-anon meeting, where i can support her and also absorb the energy of personal responsibility. then, i will get a massage, to treat a back injury and relax my mind.
after this, i may see XBF or i may not. he will have the option to get his things while i’m not at home. and if i see him, i aim to be capable of handling a variety of possible interactions. with no expectations.
when he leaves, i will permit myself to feel. and then i will spend time with friends so i am not left to dwell or wish or yearn alone.
hopefully, that will make all the difference.