i’ve been going about my days quite nicely lately.
i get up at a reasonable hour, sometime between my first and third alarms (out of four). i respond to emails, get ready for any meetings or appointments, and make them on time. i come home, do some grading or other work-related tasks, and in the evening i take the boys out for a jog and hit the gym.
most of the time, i feel pretty damn good.
so tell me. how is it that i spend all this time being productive, feeling good, and feeling over my ex, that as soon as i’m asked to talk about him i start to cry?
i can’t stop it and it catches me off guard. i spend so much time distracting myself from thinking of him that it feels like i’m over it. clearly i am not.
so knowing this, i try to venture into “deal with it” territory but i find i’m still too tender and it’s still too painful to think about.
i feel like one of those jenga towers and the subject of my ex is one of the blocks near the base. well, i suppose it is not strictly my ex. as one friend put it, all of my emotional response is not just about him. i also struggle with a number of internal demons. relationships appear to be a convenient vehicle for them to rise to the surface.
my seroquel just kicked in, and now i’m too tired to continue my line of thinking. au revoir!