grey skies

by lifeonaxis1

moody mcmooderson checking in here.

the skies are grey and so am i.  just bleh.  my house is no longer clean and i haven’t exercised since last week.  i’ve made sugar cookies in spite of my no flour, no sugar diet.  twice.

the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

i believe my mood is a result of my misplaced effort to integrate social interaction into my lifestyle.  i’ve been successful in being social, but the experiences leave me dull.  complacent.  unmotivated.

i think a big part of it is alcohol.  which makes me sad.  in the last week, i’ve been “social” 3 times.  after each night on the town, i’ve been incapable of doing anything but playing Draw Something on my phone.  i’ve got over 20 games going right now.

it’s not even that i’m drinking too much.  the effect is present whether i’ve had 3 drinks or 10.  i’m also not a big fan of the interaction of alcohol with my meds.  i can’t remember much of anything.  it’s almost a guaranteed “black out”, even when i felt fully cognizant and aware of my surroundings at the time.

and my diminished mood makes it easy for sad feelings to take over.  negative self-talk speaks louder.  feelings of missing my ex are stronger.  i feel like doing the healthy things less and less.  it’s a vicious cycle.

i keep trying to go to sleep and wake up to a “new” day.  but then i just turn on L&O and open up Draw Something, and hope that the next day will be different.

for the record, i know i’m going to have to be the catalyst in changing my mood.  it’s just that today is not going to be that day.