so, i’m not really stellar right now. i’ve been trying to evaluate the factors that might be contributing to my dullish demeanor. there are some likely suspects:
- i’ve been extremely stressed out the last few weeks as i finished up the semester and had to prepare for my winter course.
- my diet has been less than nutritional
- i’ve not gotten enough exercise
- i’m fat
- i decreased my lithium dosage and stopped taking prozac
- my family is a literal shit-show
five out of six of these are subject to change and i have reasonable control over them. the last one, not so much.
i’ve come to visit home for the holidays. for the first time in nearly a year. let me give you a nice little window into my family dynamics.
first, my immediate family has either been completely obliterated or hungover any time i’ve seen them. my mother was available for all of 24 hours and left to northern california before christmas. clearly, getting some alone time with her boyfriend was more important than spending time with me or anyone else in the family. my sister is caught up in her own life, is relatively unavailable to connect with, and her priorities don’t really include me…the first thing my aunt said to me when she saw me is, “are you pregnant?”…and my grandmother’s first response to seeing me was, “if you think i’m happy to see you, think again”.
with family like that, who needs enemies?