where’s the checkbox for deviant nympho?

by lifeonaxis1

i got a wild hair up my ass the day after christmas to sign up for eharmony.  i find this very mystifying because i am on a sabbatical from dating.  i suppose i figured that by the time i found someone worthwhile, i might be ready to start seeing people.

but mostly, i wanted to see if a computer algorithm could pick out compatible mates better than i can!

and i suppose part of me wanted to know if there really is anyone i’m compatible with out there.

it’s come to my attention that eharmony may not be the best forum for me though.  for instance, i get the sense that the people on it are pretty conventional.  there’s not really a space for broaching the topic of polyamory or open relationships…the next best thing was to rate the importance of monogamy really, really low.

i feel pretty constricted answering the questions.  one guy sent me a short-answer question that was something along the lines of “if i had a bad day, what would you do to make me feel better?”.  i typed some bs about giving him the space to vent while making comfort food but what i really thought of was “a fucking awesome blow job!”

or the other one that was like, what’s an ideal day like with someone you’re dating?  i mean…of *course* the answer is to spend all day naked, alternating between lots of fucking, movies, naps, and ordering in chinese.  you just can’t say that though.

i don’t do well in contrived situations, and eharmony is completely contrived.  there’s only been one guy that i thought *might* be able to keep up and that’s because one of his multiple choice questions was “with which sentence do you agree most?” and the two options were: 1) a sensible person never does anything dangerous (or something like that) or 2) I sometimes like to do things that are a little frightening.  i’ll give you one guess as to the one i picked.  plus, he gets bonus points for proper grammar.

another guy wanted to meet in person already.  had to put the brakes on that one.  another called me out, suggesting that i was on eharmony as an experiment (ding-ding-ding!).

eharmony guarantees that you will end up in a serious relationship by the end of a year, or you get another year for free.  poor eharmony.  never saw me coming.  😉